It’s not about me, Lord. It never has been. But it is tough to come to grips with the fact that I am not in charge of my life. I am not in charge of my children’s lives either. I can control nothing but my own choices and even then, I need all the help You can give me.
It was not until our son passed away that I realized how little control I have. I could not prevent his death and neither could anyone else except You. It hurts that You could have stopped his death, but You chose not to. I would have prevented it if I could have, so why didn’t You when Your love is even greater than mine?
It was when I began to search Your Word that my eyes fell on a verse that had never made much sense until now:
“. . . just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9
When I read this verse, I had to bow in submission to the One who is greater than I am. Though I will never understand this side of heaven why You chose to let my son die, I choose to accept Your Word as truth and trust that You know what You are doing.
We miss him terribly and we will until our own eyes close in death. But You, Lord, see from beginning to end and through the eyes of eternity. Time on this earth is short in comparison to the length of eternal life.
So I will continue to trust Your plan and choices, Lord. Yes, I chose to trust in Your unfailing love . . . and love You back.
~from Shattered by Suicide