Can we talk about the elephant in the room?


I was asked a question recently by a close friend. The subject is delicate and we are experienced at dancing around it. He/she wanted to know why I have never invited them to visit my son’s grave site with me. Hmmm. It has given me pause, but no answer.

I am by myself most of the day so I have gotten in the habit of talking to the cats and to myself. No one answers which is probably a good thing. Writing a blog feels sort of like talking to myself only these words travel the world of cyberspace. Is there anyone out there? If so, I pose these questions to you:

Do you want to be asked questions about your loved one’s death no matter how long it’s been?

Do you want to have a friend(s) ask if they can visit the cemetery with you? Or do you feel comfortable inviting a friend to visit with you?

Do you feel comfortable bringing up the subject of your loved one’s death no matter how long ago it’s been?

I really want input here. I have no answer for my friend so I am hoping that you will give this some thought and then write me your thoughts. We could get a dialogue going. Wouldn’t that be great?

Emails are a large part of my ministry and I often hear a version of the same topic. People, meaning friends, family, acquaintances soon move on after the death of our loved one. We aren’t ready to “move on” and may never – if by “moving on” others hope that we will “step over” the death so to speak and stop bringing our loved one into discussions. Is this an accurate statement?

May we discuss this here? I hope to hear from you!



Once again . . . Just got a phone call. Strange number so I did not pick up . . . until I heard the caller address the message to my dead son and it’s been years now, but hearing a phone call for him is so painful. It reminds me that he once had a life, but no longer, so I picked up the phone and told the person to take his name off their call list and why. I am sure it embarrasses them, but it hurts my heart longer than it take for them to recover from embarrassment.


2 thoughts on “Can we talk about the elephant in the room?

  1. Some days I do not mind.. Other days I do.. It depends on if it is someone who I know or if they are just being nosy.. I do believe others do not want to hear about it anymore..

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