I am sharing this from another mom who also knows the horrific loss of suicide. Thank you, Shari! I couldn’t agree more. These are some of the phrases well-meaning people say that burn into our brains and intensify our pain. It’s easy to repeat them when we have no idea what to say when someone we know has lost someone they love:
“They are in a better place.” “Time heals all wounds.” “You have so much to be thankful for.” “It wasn’t meant to be.” “Everything happens for a reason.” “It was only a baby you didn’t know. You can always have other children.” “She was seventy-five, so she lived a nice long life.” “It’s over now. There’s nothing to do but move on.” “Others are worse off than you.” “I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s untimely death. I understand what you’re going through, because I had to put my dog to sleep recently.” “I know how hard it must have been to lose your six year-old child. I experienced a similar tragedy when I had an abortion.” “God has a plan.” “God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle.” “God needed your father more than you did.” “She’s a flower in God’s garden now.” “Heaven needed another angel.” “Think positive.” “You must be strong.” “Keep a stiff upper lip.” “Pull yourself together.” “Get back on the horse.”
NO WORDS NEEDED
No words needed, for mere words will never say…
How badly a parent feels, when their heart is ripped away!
No words needed, no words will ever do.
When life as we knew it, is over and through!
No words needed, when a beloved child has died.
And all we have are pictures, of that child, who was our pride!
No words needed, when forever we had to part.
There are no right words, to mend our broken heart!
No words needed, a hug alone will do,
We will remember our children, our whole lives through…
No words needed, if you want to be my friend,
For there could never be a better place, than with me,
Until my life does end.
No words needed, but my own words,
as I remember my child.
For when you say the wrong words, my broken heart goes wild!
I can never move on, life won’t be the same…
All I ever want now, is to hear my beloved child’s sweet name!
No words are needed, when you feel uncomfortable and shy,
After all, you’re not the one who had to tell your precious child, Good-Bye!
No words are needed, and none will ever do!
Until I re-unite with my precious child,
When my days on earth are through!
Treat this as an opportunity to practice mindful compassion—instead of blurting out
clichés. Make sympathetic and selfless comments, such as: “I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.” “I can’t imagine what you are going through.” “I don’t know exactly what to say, but I know I can listen.” “Would you like to sit down and tell me how you’re really feeling?”
© by Shari Soklow