I’ve been bugging myself to get to the cemetery, turn the flower vase right side up and start a season of bouquets. What’s the rush? It’s not like there is a deadline. But I guess my soul was longing to stop by. So I hopped in the car and drove a couple miles before slowing my speed, then a touch to the break and make the familiar turn into a place we have come to know. I felt that sinking feeling in my gut. Know that one? Not choking-back-the-tears thing or feelings of nausea like in the first of many visits. But a desire to run in and take him with me remains.
Winter is a long run and I haven’t been here recently. Aim for the property line shrubbery, and the telephone pole and straight back. Yep, there he is. Seeing his name on bronze still chokes me. “Get up, son!” But I have no power. I can yell and scream and beat on the ground. I am powerless to wake him up. He is in a deep sleep.
My mind drifts back to another time . . . “Get up, son.” I nudge him gently and speak softly close to his ear. His sleepy fragrance is sweet. He is deep in dreamland. But I can’t let him sleep any longer. I nudge him a little harder, “Wake up, son! It’s your first day of school. You don’t want to be late. Come on, wake up. Your breakfast is ready. Smell the toast?” His eyelids flutter. I love his long lashes. He grabs the covers as he flips over, trying to drown out his mother’s pleas in favor of just a few more winks. But mother is equally up to the challenge. Okay. Off with the covers. Let some cool air in. Now he stirs, blinks, rubs his eyes and stretches with a yowling yawn. He’s awake . . . barely, but enough to remember. Today is the first day of school! Gotta get going!
My imagine can play countless events and scenarios with my children. I love letting my mind take me back to happier times. It didn’t start for a long time. I can’t even remember when some sweet memories entered into my mind where the plate was heaped high with bitter ones. But they did come . . . gradually. Now they sit front and center and I enjoy their recollection. Yes, there is a bitter taste that comes after, but I must let the good outrun the bad.
Wake up from your sleep, climb out of your coffins; Christ will show you the light! Ephesians 5:14