Thirty Years Too Short

English: Calvary Cemetery, Queens, New York.

English: Calvary Cemetery, Queens, New York. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Death causes well-meaning friends to utter worn out or even hurtful, stabbing phrases, such as “I know how you feel” or “Time heals all wounds”.

Some may go so far in their discomfort, searching for just the right words to say, that they blurt out awful things like, “She’s in a better place” or “It must have been God‘s will” or “You can have more children and that will help ease your grief” or “Luckily, you had him as long as you did.”

Or perhaps they will try to change your focus elsewhere by asking, “Hey, where are you going on vacation?” or “I understand you’ve been ill. Are you better now?” or “What projects do have going in your free time?” or “Heard any good jokes lately? I have a few . . .”

Lord, forgive them for what they say in ignorance, for they don’t know what they are doing. (Luke 23:34) And strengthen me to accept the truth that we are each in a different place in our understanding of grief which will change as our experience increases throughout our lives. Help me to remember that only You can change hearts and don’t let me get in the way.

from the book, “Shattered by Suicide; My Conversations With God After the Tragic Death of My Son”                                                                                        


9 thoughts on “Thirty Years Too Short

  1. been there .. am there … it never ends … just somewhat easier to deal with , in time ( 10 years for us …ptsd got our usmc infantry sgt son after combat in iraq)… now ,,, the tears still flow , but will laugh and smile over his life , 23 years short. i love him , am so proud of him … hold on . i don’t have answers , but my beliefs about him.

    • Oh, Dear Friend,

      Thank you! How I love hearing from others on the same journey. We can skip the small talk. Who needs more of that, right? I have met a mom on this journey and she lost her military child too. I didn’t have that piece. It reminds me that some people in our plat stopped by our door within days…not sure how they knew…but their question was, “Was he in the military?” I told the truth. Silence. Uncomfortable silence. I had nothing more to say…too broken to speak more. They walked away. They meant well, but my heart heard, brave warrior if he died serving his country. Were they embarrassed by my response? I will never know. Suicide death is such a blamer. We get it from all sides and from within ourselves, don’t we? I believe this to be truth: God doesn’t kill our children. Satan kills our children and he will continue to hound us with any ammo that will stick including following the actions of our child. I read it all the time. Only by the grace of God do you/ and I live on. Bless you for writing. Bless you for sharing your brave warrior son who sacrificed for our country and I am grateful to you and him! Bless you for putting one foot in front of the other. Bless you for sharing happy memories…they all need to “come out and play” more often. I am in anniversary mode, so sad seems to be in my mind more. Please write again! Sorry, but I think I might use this answer in a future blog some way…as God leads. He does the writing…

      In His grip of grace,


      • to me , it doesn’t matter the persons place in life .. we are in the “club” as a friend put it. his daughter OD’d … but yet we have the same grief – guilt , anger .. deep, deep mental lows etc.
        thank you for your blog. sometimes i just feel like connecting with another , especially a new member of the club… i am on FB if anyone wants to connect ..

      • I see your email address, but I wouldn’t want to contact you without your permission. If you prefer facebook, how do I find you? Oh, and you are welcome.


    • Trust me. I know exactly what you mean. It’s like moving numbly through life sometimes. The shattering is complete. Does anyone know how to pick up shattered pieces? I, too, have more questions than answers which is when I appeal to a Higher Authority. Maybe not direct answers, but the Psalms are full of someone else’s pain which resonates with me. Please write again for there is always more to be said. I am glad that you could relate to this piece. God bless, Gracie.

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