“Do not flatter yourself that you shall escape . . . if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance shall arise . . . from elsewhere, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows but that you have come for such a time as this? Esther 4: 13-14
Dear Heavenly Father,
I felt a tug on my heart as I read Esther’s story. You were working undercover in the kingdom to bring about each circumstance, and Esther being chosen as queen, was huge.
She agreed to put her life on the line to save her people. To come uninvited before the king could easily have been her death sentence, but she stepped forth in faith.
I do not face an earthly king, but I face You, King of Heaven. You are calling me to step out of my private silence to write; something I have never studied or practiced or even thought about until now.
I remember asking You to give me something to say, like a personal testimony that would have a greater purpose. I got what I asked for, but it is bitter to my tongue and almost fatal to my heart.
My testimony, my story, is about the loss of my son to suicide. What an ugly, horrible tragedy and yet from it as come an awesome responsibility to share it.
The silence of suicide must be broken. It is time to step forward and share what You have given me to write so that other families who suffer from loss can see You and how much You love them; how tenderly You hold them while they grieve.
You have so much love in Your heart for every person on earth – all are Your precious children, and You want them to know the truth.
You give me the words God, and I will be Your scribe. This assignment is too big for me alone and I will need You every step of the way. Thank You for trusting me – this mound of clay.
Love You forever,
Your daughter and mother of your sons
from Shattered by Suicide: My Conversations with God After the Tragic Death of My Son