Waiting . . .

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While I was praying, Gabriel, whom I had seen in the earlier vision, came flying down to where I was. Daniel 9:21, GNT

It’s difficult to wait isn’t it? This post happens to be sandwiched between two holidays and we just survived Christmas, the one that we can’t wait for it to get here so that we can open the presents under the tree, at least if you are a child. I no longer have the anticipation as I did back then. If you still have small children at home, I hope you got some joy out of watching them count down the days in anticipation. It couldn’t come soon enough for them, right?

For many of us, however, we feel the agony of loss all over again as the Christmas holiday draws near. Once again we miss the loved ones no longer part of our family gathering. If this was your first Christmas without them, I know the pain is sharp and relentless and I am sorry for all the painful reminders that tell us that holidays from here on out will never be the same.

As I do a little reflecting between holidays, I am reminded that

with the birth of each of my children

I anticipated a life full of joy; one that captured each moment

of growth and I took pride in each accomplishment.

There is no room in this picture for sorrow.

Hugs, kisses, wisdom to share ~

We can do all those, but mortuaries and cemeteries?

They are not on the list.

I happen to live near a cemetery, one I often passed by

noting such activities as a new grave being dug,

which signals that there will be mourners gathering there soon.

But that was their reality ~ that reality belonged to others,

not to me.

But horror of horrors, it became my reality . . . and yours too?

And now I don’t pass by, I stop.

My son is buried there.

My son died by suicide.

I didn’t want to give him up, but I had to release him to the earth,

All but his heart ~ which I carry deep within mine.

There will be a new reality. I don’t know just when, but it will be “soon” ~ a soon that drags on slower than my heart’s longing. Please reread the text above. What I find interesting is that Daniel did not have to wait. Here is an example of someone praying and the answer “flew in” before he said Amen. Before he finished praying to God, an answer was dispatched from heaven, thousands of years of light away ~ and arrived on the lips of the angel, Gabriel, who came to deliver it in person before Daniel finished praying! Astounding, is it not?

Although this interesting fact is a quote from the Bible, a very old book, I take courage from this bit of trivia, if it makes sense to call it that. We both can take courage from this scripture. How? It says to me, “You have to wait now, but it won’t always be so. You long to see your child again, and other loved ones you are outliving, but you won’t always miss them. Soon, waiting will be a fact from your past, not from your future.”

There will be the shout of command, the archangel’s voice, the sound of God’s trumpet, and the Lord himself will come down from heaven. Those who have died believing in Christ will rise to life first.”  1 Thessalonians 4:16, GNT

Let’s take comfort in these words while we wait.






2 thoughts on “Waiting . . .

  1. Although it is February, 2015, I really appreciate all of your words of reality and comfort. Your prayer to our Creator was awesome. I did not loses a child to suicide and I am so sorry for your loss and the demons who caused it. I lost a baby, a little girl at 2 days old 1983. She was born on New Year’s Eve. I was angry for an abnormally long time. Ha 32 years to be exact. My first great grandbaby was born late 2014 and we have been denied the right to see her, At that time, I broke down in the grief that I should have dealt with so many years ago, So, thank you for sharing. Faye Y Trotter

    • Hi Faye, Thank you for your comment which came from way down deep and from a long time ago . . . but just like yesterday sometimes? I am sorry for your loss. And I hope you get to see your new grandchild before too much time passes. Be persistent if that’s appropriate. I am glad this post helped you in some small way. It is not too late to grieve ~ and don’t let anyone tell you differently. It was your child, your heart and your pain. Lean on the Lord and the two of you take this grief journey together. My son is in the sleep of death, but not forever. Jesus will return and shout and he and others eager for His return will zoom out of their graves and I will meet him in the air if I am alive when Jesus returns. I plan for this day, think about this day and pray that it will be soon. Perhaps your little one will be restored to your outstretched arms and will grow up in heaven. Won’t that be wonderful? Write again if you like. I care. Blessings, Gracie

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