About

My name is Gracie.  I am an ordinary woman with an ordinary life until my adult child destroyed his life by suicide. This began my worst nightmare and changed me forever. My grief journey eventually led me to write my story, Shattered by Suicide, My Conversations with God After the Tragic Death of My Son, which is on Amazon for anyone searching this subject. Whatever your loss, I am ready to listen.

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35 Comments

35 thoughts on “About

  1. Hi Gracie
    I too found your writing from a survivor Facebook post. I am in awe of your writing. It possesses such genuine grace, class, warmth, and humbleness. I too am a writer of sorts– I took over a greeting card company that my mother left behind when she left this world (The same day,though different year, that your son did). She too wrote very much like you and I try to emulate her voice in cards I create since her passing. Thank you for being a beautiful addition to this world.

    • Hi Valerie, What a lovely compliment! I am grateful God’s words blessed you through me. So sorry you lost your mom. Perhaps every time you create a new card, you will think of her. I find myself curious about your card company. Care to tell me more? Blessings, my friend. Gracie

  2. I just read your article on a Facebook post of Song for the Heart. It was touching. We lost our daughter to suicide six years ago. 30 years, old, newly married, beautiful……. complete shock. Even six years out it is still very hard. Thank you for your story!

    • Dear Friend, I am so glad you read this story and was blessed. My heart grieves with your heart. Six years, still can’t fathom. Oh how I know this! My son died ten years ago at age 30. We cannot get a grip on the “why” can we. I’m praying that God will continue to comfort you. Please come by again and read. May you always be blessed. ~Gracie

  3. We lost our Grandson age 22 on 1/15/2014. It has been a nightmare since for our family. Sometimes I think things are better but then it hits us. Even though I have strong faith the sadness persists. My hearts hurts for all that are going through this.

    • I’m glad you found my blog, Jean. I certainly understand what you are expressing. It must be so difficult for grandparents. You have invested much of yourself in this little person, watching him grow. You are proud of him and of his parents, your children. I don’t have grandchildren, but I certainly know the loss of my child. It is a pain like no other. Your words are true: “things are better but then it hits us”. You think you have turned a corner in grief, but it follows. It takes time, and lots of it before you really understand and accept your loss. It is a nightmare, no doubt about that, but you speak of your faith which certainly lights your path even in the midst of sadness. I look forward to the day when I will once again have my strong young man in my arms again. It is the hope that keeps me focused forward.

      Please continue to peruse the archives for pieces that touch and even help in the healing process. I am always here if you choose to write again. Blessings, Gracie

  4. Gracie, I came here via a fb grief post and want to say your piece is beautiful. I lost my son to Ambien suicide 10-14-2014. I don’t know exactly what happened that night, but he had the knowhow to wrap the gun so his wife wouldn’t hear it. He’d had a very tough year which makes it even more difficult.

    • Kathleen, I am so sorry for your loss and pain. No matter how suicide happens, it is so shocking and devastating. Do you blog too? Will you write me again? Perhaps we can share stories about our children? I would love to know more and I am glad you liked what you read, although I don’t know which piece you were referring to. They pour from almost 10 years of sorrow and yet God has gifted me with words that bless others and help me heal. Blessings, Gracie.

      • Hi Gracie,

        I’m sorry I didn’t get back I just figured out how to get here. I’ve visited many blogs and I recall coming here, but didn’t receive any emails. I’m reading your book Shattered by Suicide and very much enjoying it. It’s written very beautifully.

        I would love to talk with you. Here is my email. katjanzanderson@aol.com

      • Hi Kathleen, How nice to hear from you. I’m humbled that your are reading my book, but more importantly, that it is meaningful to you. God is so good to write thru this bumpkin pumpkin (seemed a good description considering the season). I would love to chat with you, too. Feel free to write my email anything on your heart. Perhaps share how your journey is going these days and I will do likewise. Hope to hear from you soon, but don’t rush it. Write when you are prompted to do so. Blessings, friend. Gracie

  5. My daughter died almost 6 yrs ago by suicide…am forever changed and struggle every single day having peace that she is with God. Why cant I get there?

  6. Hi Gracie… I am also Gracie, a Christian, and I lost my son Jack Jr. to suicide on his 27th birthday, May 8, 2007. I just wanted to say thank you, dear heart, for these words that touch my soul… and thank you for praising God in the wake of a suicide loss. I used to be a writer, but since I lost little Jack, I have not been able to put my thoughts down in an orderly fashion. 😦 But since that fateful day, our family and Jack’s friends created Particle Accelerator, in memory of Jack Young, Jr., an annual music benefit in our little town of Putnam, CT. We engage local musicians, take over our local park, and bring families together to learn about the signs of depression, and teach them about suicide depression, substance abuse, and to have Faith in God through all of the battles we face. Our concerts’ proceeds benefit United Services, Inc, in Dayville, CT. To date, we have raised over $30,000 for suicide prevention, and our latest concert’s proceeds were used to educate folks in Mental Health First Aid Training, which teaches laymen how to recognize the signs of someone having a mental health emergency.
    I just wanted to say hello, let you know how much this blog meant to me, and let you know you were not alone… and in the process, have now created a blog here as well. Perhaps it is God’s way of telling me that it is time to FIND my words again, and perhaps in the process, encourage someone who has lost their child to suicide.
    I am so sorry for the loss of your precious child… and am so grateful you were able to use your words to communicate. Perhaps now, after 7 long years, I am able to put my thoughts down on paper and celebrate my son’s precious life. I would love to have you come to Putnam for our next benefit on June 6 in Putnam,… you can find out about our mission here at http://www.particleaccelerator.org (it was named after a song our Jack penned) May God bless ALL of the suicide angels and their survivors, and grant them peace, in Jesus’ MIGHTY name, amen ❤ much love to you and yours, Grace Young ❤

    • Hi Gracie!
      You can tell I responded out of order. Thank you for sharing your precious Jack Jr. with me. So young and with so much promise. How we ache after they are gone and you know that full well. I love what you are doing in Jack Jr’s honor. May you keep it going for many years to come and may you enjoy writing your blog. Please let me know how to find you. I was so resistant to writing. It’s not something I have ever done before and it seemed God was prompting me to journal my pain for his eyes only. After much prodding I sat down in front of a blank screen and said, “Now What?” Once the words started to flow it became a river of paragraphs. I’d get thoughts in the tub and have to get out to write them down or wake up at night and write. Somewhere along the way I knew God wanted these words shared so it became a manuscript and eventually a book, “Shattered by Suicide”on Amazon. I look back on that time as the closest I have ever been to God and I was reluctant to give that up. And then the blog was born which is posted all over Facebook. There are so many of us, Gracie. So many hurting families that God laid on my heart to help. He just asks that we be willing. Thank you for honoring your son with your events and your words and your heart that you shared with me today. May we talk often. Blessings, Gracie

  7. I am sorry you lost your son. I wish this upon no one. I am so grateful that you followed the leading of God and put pen to paper. (and I haven’t even read your book yet) God has gifted you with words.
    I lost my son to suicide on 12/14/13. Jacob was 24 years old and also born in August. I am at a loss. I feel as though. I am in a washing machine and its set on the agitation cycle. The varied thoughts and emotions that I experience on a daily basis is beyond belief.
    I have been rocked to the very core if my being. I don’t know who I am. I am questioning God as to what is the point to all of this? I am a thousand feelings all mingled together and I can’t sort it out.
    I am grateful that God allowed me to fund this site. I have absolutely no one to talk to. My family doesn’t understand, even my husband is growing tired of my crying. Its as if my son didn’t exist to them.
    My son had his issues but I loved him so much. I miss him so much my heart hurts, sometimes its hard to breathe. My son did exist and I cannot pretend he didn’t.
    God’s blessings to you.

    • I am so sorry you lost your precious son! I know the pain you are in and I want to help. May we continue our conversation on my email where you sent your message? I don’t know your email and to keep it completely confidential, please write me again at: impossiblejoy@yahoo.com and I will respond. I share my ministry email with no one. I care. Please write again and not through my blog. Talk with you soon. Love, Gracie

    • freeatlast2014 ~
      I feel compelled to share with you , hoping that somehow it will help in some small way.
      I am so sorry for the loss of your dear son Jacob ~
      I lost my 34 yr. old son Ronnie in 2004 of suicide and I relate to so much of what you say in words and emotion. especially having no one to talk to.
      I can say that suicide loss is the worste for lack of a better way to express..we parents who have experienced the nightmare come true of losing our child know child loss is the worste & this dies not mean we care less for other simpler losses..
      Even tho it’s been over 10 years since my loss I miss my son Ronnie more, not less ,as the years go by.
      You being now at two years ~ I think the second year after loss is harder than the first year because it is more real. i call the first few years after a traumatic loss the ‘outa your mind with grief stage’
      I still think it is a wonder that ones who experience this kinda traumatic loss do not die of a heart attack or stroke.
      Before Ronnie died of suicide, I lost my 21 yr old son Rocky to a motorcycle accident. Ronnie & Rocky were not just brothers they were ‘best buds! From the start & Ronnie never adjusted to life without Rocky.
      ( these were the two people who loved me, their mom in word & deed, not that they did not have their issues) I loved them even so,
      When Rocky died I thought I’d die too ~ I had NO idea what I was going thru or that any of it was Normal.
      Even my husband thought my reaction was just ‘over the top’ …. They were ‘my’ sons…not that he did not care about them,,,get this,
      My husband was upset as people kept asking him ‘how is Rainie’…
      These people never asked me directly…
      Anyway,
      The first two years the ones considered my family said absolutely nothing to me after the funeral….it was like he never existed….so every birthday, holiday, family gathering it was like nothing had happened & no one said my sons name…I had no strength or experience to do other than just be like a ghost among these seemingly emotionless uncaring people…of course they were not that,,,they just handeled this like they do everything..no words, no emotions that others saw or felt.
      when Ronnie died I just wanted to die & be with my son..
      My faith was tested as thru the fire..
      Time has passed, my husband has learned, gained more understanding , as have I.
      My faith is still in process, growing, as I am also.
      The bottom line for me in my faith is this ‘ where can I go, who do I have to go to but to The Lord ? ‘
      accountsAnyway,
      I care & I am here if you want to / need to talk to one who understands ans knows more about child loss / suicide than I ever wanted to know or thought I would..
      I care,
      Rainie.

      • Dear Rainie, Your words are beautiful and true. You have an understanding heart and you, of all people, get what it is like, having lost two of your own precious sons. I don’t feel alone in this anymore. I have you and other “cyber” friends who get it. It is hard when no one says their name. It is hard when people ask someone else how you are instead of you. But somehow we go on, by God’s amazing grace. Thanks so much for sharing from the depths of your big heart. Blessings, Gracie

    • Dear “Free”,
      I just happened upon this. I am sorry that I did not find it sooner. Hopefully it still reaches you. My dear friend, Your words touch me at the core of my being. I know exactly how you feel. Perhaps you are still in that washing machine (well illustrated) or perhaps you are on a gentle cycle now? We don’t move quickly from grief stage to grief stage. I re-visit stages all the time. As I type this we are in the hardest season of the year, that of Christmas. You are nearing another anniversary of your precious son’s death. I am sending you comfort and prayers that it will be easier than last year. For me, they are always hard. I have an ache down deep. No one speaks the name I still long to hear. No doubt mentioning his name causes others to ache who lost best friend, brother, son. Somehow we go on, step by step, day by day. Yes, it is hard to breathe. Is it getting any easier for you? I hope so. Your son DID exist. You can never forget your child – God says He never forgets either, so your child is always on His mind. May this season bring you some joy as you reflect on all the blessings from this year alone. I’d love for you to write again. Just in case I don’t get notified of your response, feel free to write me at my private email: impossiblejoy@yahoo.com. I will for sure see you there and I will write right back. Blessings, Gracie

  8. I lost my daughter to suicide 22 months ago. She was 27. It was a complete shock. We are devastated. I am finding it very hard to trust God. I just downloaded your book. I hope it helps.

    • Dear Curtis,

      I am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Twenty seven has barely begun! Our son died at 30, still too young. You are on a tough journey, certainly not one for sissies and you already know that. My mind whirls to try to think back almost 7 yrs what I was thinking at 22 months. Has the fog barely lifted? The mind, body and heart are so broken from the shock that suicide is. My heart goes out to you. I pray that the book helps. God wrote it thru me, this broken piece of pottery. I know He wrote it because I couldn’t have possibly. I didn’t trust God either. It was a long time before I realized that He has never left my side, nor will He leave you. He is a God who loves us and our children more than we could or ever understand this side of heaven. God “bugged” me to jot my thoughts to Him. I didn’t want to do it, but finally relented. It first, the words were a trickle and then a gusher as they poured from my soul. He knew I needed to release the pain and I knew, in time, it was helping. What I didn’t know was that others would read it. Because they do and because they tell me that it is helpful, I can say with assurance that your heart will be blessed too. If nothing else, you know they came from a hurting mom like yourself. We have this horrific pain in common. Should you choose, you may go to the last page, note my ministry email, and write me any time. This journey is one of a life time. It helps to know we are not walking alone. God is always there even if we refuse to accept or don’t notice, but He also sends others to join us. It helps to share our stories. I personally know what it is like to lose family and friends over time after suicide death, so I won’t leave you. Please keep in touch, either here or at my email. This address is for my eyes only. I felt God whisper to my heart to reach out to help others hurting from suicide loss and that is what I do. We are in this together. Be blessed today, my friend. Again, so sorry for your loss and pain, but I am grateful that you got in touch. ~Gracie

  9. Dear Window – very catchy, by the way.
    I treasure your words. They are wisdom and they are truth. As hard as it is, there is always someone else coming after me who is groping in the dark for help after their tragic loss. You have a few years on me, but you still feel the pain of losing your sibling and I am so sorry. Until we are no longer in this dark world, that is the way that it will be. But thankfully, Jesus is the Light and will guide us to safety. Be blessed, my friend.
    ~Gracie

  10. So sorry for your loss… I can only imagine the loss of a child that way.. my brother committed suicide 27 years ago… Within every storm is a light and you are the light in the storm and your book I am sure will be a light for others along with your blog and that in it self makes your sons death some how a light for others who will endure the same.. I wish you so many blessings on your journey.

    • I love your photo. The colors are vibrant in the setting or rising sun. Was it taken in Italy? I came across your message and I don’t know if I ever replied. I have had problems with the “comment” section, so forgive me if you have not heard from me before. Thank you for your encouraging words. Yes, God means everything for good even though the enemy does not. Losing your brother has been hard too, no matter how many years ago. May God continue to bless, comfort and encourage you along your journey.

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