I recently met a mom who has been hit with the same horrific death many of us are all too familiar with. She lost her 14 year-old son to suicide. Words cannot express the ghastly tragedy with the depth of pain parents and families feel when they lose a piece of themselves. Many who read my postings know this pain. No matter if it was recent or years ago, the grief journey is or will become part of a new identity we learn to accept.
I relate to this mom as many of you will when you learn that she, like many of you, look for ways to relieve your anguish by writing or painting or public speaking, or doing an annual walk to raise funds or using your vocal talent. That is what my friend did. She recorded her first CD. The inside cover of her CD jacket reads:
“My album, Heart to Heart, A Journey of Love, is a compilation of prayerful songs which has taken 3 years to produce. Music became the therapy I craved after my fourteen year-old son, who struggled with depression, took his own life in November, 2010. To help me cope, as an outlet, God inspired me to write down some of my thoughts and prayers, which evolved into some of the songs for this album. I desperately wanted that connection from MY heart to GOD’s heart ~ hence the Album Title ~ and to sense God’s direction for my life, as my navigation system was well and truly lost with no compass or sense of control.”
I have listened to her music and it touches me deeply as it will you. Although you cannot hear her sing at this moment, but some day you may, meanwhile, perhaps you can wrap your heart around her prayerful words, to sense God’s closeness to you as you listen from that place of understanding deep within our mothers’ hearts.
HEART TO HEART
Driving in my car, in the dark, needing to be on my own, to cry out loud. No where to go, to let it out. I feel so misunderstood. Relationships complicated. I need a heart to heart with God.
You are the only one who truly understands my pain. God wrap your arms around me, I need to speak to you. Teach me what I need to know; cause you’re my Counselor. Your love can heal my brokenness, I need a heart to heart with you, help me Father.
My child, I am here for you. I’ve heard your prayers, so don’t despair. You are not alone; I will carry you, I promise to. I understand what you’re going through, your feelings of rejection. I wanna heart to heart with you.
Mistakes have been made, a tug of war; wrestling to know right from wrong. This burden is hard to bear; please forgive me, Father. Tear the barriers down. Help me to reach the ones that are needing your love. Reveal to me in your way, the beauty of your grace.
I am the only one who truly understands your pain, I’ll wrap my arms around you. I want to speak to you. I’ll teach you what you need to know; I am you’re Counselor. My love can heal your brokenness. I wanna heart to heart with you. I love you. I wanna heart to heart with you, yes I do. I heard your prayer; always know that I love you.
Typing the words loses something in translation, especially when you cannot hear the melody, but I wanted to share my friend’s priceless story as we mom’s willingly open our circle to let another mother in. We have lost boys and girls, sons and daughters, parents and friends. The tidal wave swells, crashing tirelessly into the shore again and again with yet more names; more have taken their lives leaving us to weep for our love of them. But the message is clear, dear ones. As fast as the questions came from her pleading heart, God answered them from his bleeding heart. He knows our pain and will see us through.
The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18, NIV
Those who are interested in more information may contact Velda Mason at “Heart-String Ministry” on Facebook. “Heart to Heart” album is a tribute to her son and is filled with songs of faith and hope. All funds will go toward Adolescent Depression Charities. You may also order the CD at: Heart-String-Ministry@Outlook.com for $25 USD which includes postage and packing.